


The Mating Habits Of Snails

by Shimegami



Category: Free!
Genre: Comedy, Explicit Language, Kink Meme, M/M, Matchmaking, Oblivious Haruka, Rin is a doof, u keep trying rin bby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shimegami/pseuds/Shimegami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>De-anon from the kink meme.</p><p>Makoto and Haruka have been dancing around each other for fucking forever.  It wouldn't be so bad but Rin's come back after five years and it's still the same, and doesn't look to be changing any time soon, which is just sad.  So, for his own sanity, he's going to do something about it.  Except it looks like his afore-mentioned sanity is going down the drain either way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Rin contemplates snails

**Author's Note:**

> So it's still in progress and I wasn't going to post it here until it was done, but whatevs. Probably going to be ten parts or so, not sure. Hope it's enjoyable!

It was painfully obvious that Makoto and Haruka were into each other. In _that way_.

It was also painfully obvious that neither of them had any idea or any will to actually _do_ anything about that fact.

Rin gnaws on his pen angrily, wondering why the fuck this is occupying his thoughts instead of his homework. Possibly because he's doing biology, and it's about invertebrates, and all this talk of snails makes him think of Makoto and Haruka and how they haven't moved a single step forward from fucking elementary school. A real snail's pace, that was.

It's an insult to the goddamn snails, that's what it is, because at least the snails get things fucking _done_ , and those two never will if they keep.... _pussy-footing_ around each other like that.

Something cracks in his mouth, and Rin pulls his pen out of his mouth and grimaces. Another cap ruined, oh well. He rips off the now-useless top and tosses it towards the trash, before putting the pen down and propping his head up with his hand. It's obvious he's not getting any homework done now. Fucking snails.

He drums his fingers on the desk as he considers, frowning thoughtfully. Yeah, okay, so he knew he was kind of acting like the hugest jerk in the world to Haruka and his friends, but that didn't mean he didn't _care_. They were, somewhere deep in his heart, still his _friends_ after all. It's just, if he got too close again, it'd just hurt all the more when he left and _still_ couldn't make himself worth anything. Last time had nearly broken him, so it was in his – and their – best interest if he just stayed the irredeemable jackass.

Except watching Makoto and Haruka blatantly refuse to admit anything close to romantic towards each other when it was so goddamn obvious was nothing short of physically _painful_. If he had to continue to watch them do their little dance of 'I-love-you-but-I'm-not-going-to-admit-it-so-have-these-fifth-grade-level-affectionate-gestures', Rin was going to grind all of his teeth into fine white powder.

So, clearly, it was up to him to do something about this, in the best interests of his own personal health, because Gou was too busy drooling over muscles to care, that Ryugazaki guy was a newcomer and thus not aware of the urgency, and Nagisa obviously thought that it was the funniest fucking thing _ever_. If he wanted something to get done, Rin would have to do it himself, like always.

Shoving his pen back into his mouth, Rin leans back in his desk chair and crosses his arms behind his head. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it _right_ , damn it.


	2. In which Rin convinces a shop assistant he's gay

Rin is actually very studious when he puts his mind to it, a fact that never fails to surprise a lot of people. So his first stop is a bookstore, because there's got to be _some_ sort of guidance to be found in books. Well, better guidance than TV and the Internet, anyways. Rin's brainstorming had basically ended at 'shove them into a closet together' and he's not quite sure that would work, mostly because he's pretty sure Makoto would have a heart attack and die of embarrassment before actually doing anything to Haruka, and Haruka is as dumb as a bag of rocks when it comes to anything not swimming or water related.

So, based on that line of reasoning, Rin feels fairly confident that going through Haruka is the way to go. Which means he needs to find a way to get Haruka past his social ineptitude and make him realize that he obviously loves Makoto.

That is the main stepping stone, the starting block, as it were. He's fairly sure that Makoto's realized his own feelings for a long time now, but being the huge useless lump of self-sacrificing sentimentality he is, Makoto would never make any move that would jeopardize his friendship with Haruka. And sullen, quiet Haruka would have never given Makoto any reason to think that he had a chance, because Haruka was not only as dumb as that bag of rocks, but also just as communicative. And also as self-aware, so Haruka probably is dismissing all the feelings he has as 'friendship' or some shit. And so their little dance continued, with Makoto drizzling affection onto Haruka in such telling ways that Rin's pretty sure the entire population of Iwatobi considers them legally married, and Haruka allowing it in a way that he won't allow from anyone else.

It's been this way since _elementary school_. It was understandable then, because of course any sane twelve-year-olds aren't going to announce the fact that they're gay for their best friend, nor have any idea what to about it. It's just sad that it's been five fucking years and they're _still_ at that level.

So, hence Rin's new self-appointed role in life. He's going to get these fuckers together or die trying, and as much as he wants to just mash their faces together and scream “Just fucking kiss already!!”, that is probably not the best way to go about things.

Rin lets his hands drift idly over the sports section of the books, picking out swimming titles by memory. If it's Haru, then Rin's going to have to use water somehow. It'll be the quickest way to get through to him.

He doubts he'll find it in the sports section, though, so with a shudder of dread he faces the romance section. If anyone sees him here he's going to rip their throats out and then go die a quiet embarrassing death.

The romantic fiction is a bunch of sop about heaving breasts and shit, which obviously has no impact on Rin's current situation. There is, however, a non-fiction section, and Rin browses it dutifully, picking out every book that looks like it might have some bearing on the situation at hand.

He brings his choices up to the counter, glaring harshly at the cashier, whom he _will_ smack upside the tits if she breathes a word. The cashier, thankfully, remains stoic and silent as she rings up titles such as “How To Win Your Man: 100 Easy Ways to Seduction” and “Baring It All: A Newcomer's Guide to Homosexuality”. Who the fuck _titled_ these things?

Rin leaves the bookstore with his mission accomplished and one faceless cashier in the masses now probably convinced that he's gay. He hopes this won't come back to bite him in the ass when he has an actual career and reputation in the swimming world. This shit better be worth it.


	3. In which Rin uses bad pick-up lines

That Saturday finds Rin tentatively marching out his first plan.

Iwatobi's beaches were open year-round, but there was an unofficial “opening” holiday around the beginning of summer, where it was generally accepted that the water was warm enough for the beaches to be properly “open”. Haruka and Makoto would definitely be somewhere on the beaches, because Haruka watched the temperature of the ocean religiously and started swimming every weekend in the ocean as soon as Makoto deemed him safe from hypothermia. The sudden appearance of a ton of people would do little to deter Haru, although he might deign to move to a less-crowded beach for this weekend. In fact, Rin was fairly certain exactly which one he'd gone to.

So, there Rin was, standing on the white sands of a secluded inlet, shielding his eyes from the sunshine as he scanned the beach for his targets. It was no trouble at all to find the sandy head of Makoto towering over the other beach-goers, fucker was way too tall. But if Makoto was there...Rin adjusted his gaze towards the water. Yep. There was Haru, swimming his brains out. Rin gives himself a mental pat on the back for anticipating them so well.

Now, time to get this party started.

The books Rin had bought were, for the most part, heaps of trash, but one actually had an entire section about beaches. Most of it was dribble about not wearing a bikini that made you look like a whore, which obviously didn't apply here, since they were all swimmers and used to seeing each other's half-naked bodies soaking wet. Makoto obviously had self-control the strength of diamond or something anyways with how willing Haruka was to strip down to almost nothing at the drop of a hat, so dressing sexy would probably have no effect on the outcome anyways. Unless maybe it came down to fashion, if he worked on getting Makoto to dress up nicely, maybe Haruka would get his head out of his ass and notice...

Rin files that thought away for future consideration. Anyways, it wasn't the time to consider dolling Makoto up unless this plan failed.

There had been several interesting ideas in the beach section. The first one he had dismissed straight away, since it involved a little fake panicking in the water, and Rin drew the line at anything related to drowning or even pretending to. He _knew_ Makoto, damn it, and no matter how much of a jerk Rin was he'd never do that to the guy. There was just general dickery, and then there was Being A Dick, complete with capital letters.

The next had involved beach volleyball. Probably better for girls, since the jumping would make their breasts bounce and that kind of thing, but it was a start.

The thing after that was what Rin was aiming for. The real suggestion had been to invite your love interest to the beach and then actively get hit on to try to make him jealous, which made Rin kind of wonder about girls, since that seemed like kind of a douchey thing to do. He'd ask Gou about it later, because he doesn't remember his sister being that much of a tool. Rin, however, thinks he can use it because he's the outside influence. He can't hit on Haru, because Haru will stare at him like maybe Rin hit his head too hard in the pool, and Makoto would roll over and die before ever trying to impose his will above someone else's. Rin's a little worried that Makoto slips into “martyr” a little too easily, since usually that's reserved for people with terrible self-confidence and apparently Makoto hasn't looked into a mirror lately. But well, he wouldn't be doing this if his friends weren't all morons.

No, he's going to have to hit on Makoto instead. In front of Haru.

Now that he's actually here on the beach, staring at his target, the words “Bad Idea” are flashing in his brain like giant goddamn neon signs. But Rin has balls, so he's going to go through with this because he _will_ make this work, damn it. And he can't trust other people hitting on Makoto because they might be _serious_ , while Rin is doing this purely for the sake of Makoto and Haruka's relationship. So, he has to do it.

Rin takes a deep breath, pulls his best charming smile over his face and hopes he doesn't look too much like he's eating babies, and saunters up to Makoto.

Makoto is, of course, absorbed in staring at Haru's form swimming in the water, and Rin squashes down the immediate competitive need to go out there and race him. He has more important things to do, and it's not worth it until Haru's in better shape anyways. Rin inserts himself neatly between Makoto and the sea, hoping his smile is still “charming” and not “kneel at my feet or I'll bite your dick off”. Gou always said that he needed to work on his smiles. “Yo.”

Makoto blinks and refocuses on Rin, and it's a little sad how he jumps like a startled rabbit. You'd think someone built like Makoto would have stronger nerves. “R-Rin! U-Um....hi?”

Rin can do this, _he can do this_. Fuck, how does it go in those pornos his classmates always watch...? He hopes Makoto doesn't notice him swallowing nervously as he tries his best to make his voice low and husky and purring and hoping it's not really coming out as growling instead. “It's been a while, _Mako-chan_.” He uses Makoto's childish nickname from Nagisa and hopes it comes off as sexy and not kind of creepy. He called Makoto that when he was twelve! Uh, quick, a compliment! “So...what's someone like you doing all alone?” There, that sounded like a good line, he's pretty sure it came out of one of those books. If people wrote it down, that meant it worked somewhere, right?

If Makoto's eyes got any wider, they'd fall out of his skull. Rin's not sure how anyone Makoto's size can _squeak_. “....R-Rin!?”

Dammit, dammit, dammit, _try harder_ , Matsuoka! Rin keeps the smile on his face although his face muscles are starting to complain, and leans a bit closer. “I mean, it's such a waste...” _Get out of the fucking water, Nanase!!_ Fuck, why didn't he wait until Haru was actually not in the goddamn water to start this!?

Makoto's jaw has gone the way of his eyelids and attempts to be trying to escape off his face. Rin is having serious regrets right about now, but he's a man, so he's going to go through his plan no matter what. So he saunters a step closer, lifting a finger to trace down Makoto's upper arm – damn, he's got some nice biceps going on, typical backstroke swimmer, and while Rin may be more toned damn if Makoto's sheer build doesn't make him feel kind of inadequate – and digs another line from the books out of his memory. “I'm worried about you getting sunburn. How about I cover you with my body?”

Which is kind of _dumb_ , since there's no way his one-seventy-seven centimeter self can cover all of Makoto's whale of a body and it would probably just leave Makoto with a weird-ass Rin-shaped tan line, and who thought of these lines, seriously?

“Rin...” Makoto states, voice a mix between deadly serious and mild hyperventilation. “Are you on _drugs_?”

That's it, Rin can't take that lying down. “No I am not on _fucking drugs_ , you moron, I'm trying to—”

“Mako-chaaaaaaaaaan!!”

Oh god, here comes the rest of the Iwatobi Idiot Brigade.

Nagisa runs up to them, waving his hands as if his voice and _bright pink Speedo_ didn't catch enough attention. That Ryugazaki guy follows close behind, whispering admonishing repetitions of “ _Nagisa-kun!!”_. Not that that works on Nagisa, but Rin kind of likes this guy more now.

Even _Gou_ comes trotting up behind the two, and _shit_ , where is a huge hole that he can just into and die in? And Haruka isn't even _looking_ this way because Water Is His Only Love, Except For Makoto Because Haru Is Dumb As A Brick.

Goddammit.

Throwing up his arms in disgust, he ignores the startled shouts of “R-Rin-chan! When did you...” and “Brother!?” and stalks off, scowling murderously and leaving four very bewildered people behind, one more so than the others. That was such a bust, he's going to _burn_ those books when he gets home.

Time for a new plan.


	4. In which Rin's mind works in strange ways

So Plan A had failed spectacularly because Makoto now apparently seemed to be in the beginning stages of planning an intervention – _he was not on drugs goddammit_ – and Haruka was a _moron_.

So, Plan B. What was going to be Plan B? Rin chews on his much-abused pen, considering his options.

It still had to be something that affected Haruka, obviously. Still probably something with water because God knew he wouldn't attract Haru's attention any other way.

He pulls his laptop closer, booting it up and bringing up search pages. Books were piles of shit, maybe the Internet, as outrageous as it was, would have some better ideas.

Hmmn...scary movie? No, Makoto jumped and clung to Haruka _all the fucking time_ and if he hadn't been affected by it before he wouldn't now. Karaoke? He could practically count the seconds until Haruka would just get up and leave. Truth or dare? What, was the Internet populated by gradeschoolers?

Dare, though...Rin blinks. That might work. Haru and he have always been competitive together, so if he dares Haru to do something, it might actually work. What, though...

Rin drags his notebook over and scribbles the words “dare Haru – water??” under a list of other seemingly-meaningless words, like “MASH FACES AND KISS!!!!” and “Beach – Haru jealousy – Makoto?” which is scratched out. He scowls at the paper, since the list of viable ideas is very short. He needs more than the five or so he's got, because after the Beach Catastrophe he's convinced this is gonna take a while.

Rin resumes chewing on his pen as he brainstorms. Dares...games...fun...amusement...amusement park? He blinks.

Getting the two into one would be the tricky part – he's not sure how to broach the idea, and he's fairly sure that it would take an act of God or a forklift to get Haruka to willingly step into one. Too many people and too little water.

Wait! There was that water-themed park just an hour or so away. It was half aquarium and dolphin show, half amusement park. Haru probably would take a little convincing, but as long as he convinces Makoto, he knows he's got Haruka since the taller teen can get Haru to do anything. And this way, if he does it right, it'll be just Makoto, Haruka, and Rin at the park, with the rest of the Idiot Brigade _not_ there to embarrass Rin to death. And then Rin can just casually “get lost” or slip away or some shit and leave the two to their date. Sure, it had some details to work out, but Rin was confident that between Haru's inability to resist being goading into things and Makoto's natural agreeability, he could works things out. He's even taken both of their tastes into account – water for Haruka, and sickeningly sweet romantic cliché for Makoto. It's great.

Rin smirks and leans back in his chair. He's getting better at this.


	5. In which Rin regrets his life choices

Rin stares at the closed gates in front of his face, trying to come to grips with the fact that he's apparently banned from visiting this amusement park for the next four years. _Banned from a fucking amusement park, how does this shit even happen._

Wait, no, Rin knows exactly how this happened, because he's with _Nanase fucking Haruka_ , that's exactly how it happened.

He rubs at his face and groans under his breath, trying to think where, exactly, things went bad. It had all started....well, not _fine_ , but _okay_.

He'd shown up at the Iwatobi campus Friday afternoon, way beyond what club practice normally ran. Sure enough, Haruka had been still in the pool, and ever-faithful Makoto still there with him. Rin felt a tad bit guilty about interrupting their alone time, but since their alone time had never actually advanced their relationship, he felt justified.

The next few minutes had been spent trying to convince them to come with him the next day to the amusement park. He'd tried to play it off, that he'd come into these stupid tickets somehow – a lie, and he now didn't have any allowance for the next month, damn – and since he had three tickets, he might as well take along their sorry asses.

Makoto had been surprised, a little hesitant, but otherwise pleased that Rin seemed to be trying to be their friend again, sorry sap that he was. Haruka had immediately denounced it as too much of a pain, but Makoto's quiet “It's half water park, Haru, they might have a pool!” and Rin's “Too chicken to go to the park with me, Nanase?” had gotten Haru to scowl and mutter that he was going.

Feeling accomplished, he'd passed off their tickets to Makoto and left, trying to plan all the activities they had to do and how he could secretly remove himself from them without seeming too obvious. The next day had dawn bright and early, and soon enough the three of them were packed up on the train heading for the park.

Rin should have known that something was wrong when their train got delayed and they arrived an hour and a half late, he _should have known._

The first hour or so had been not terribly exciting, but fine. They'd wandered around first for a bit, played a few games – Makoto was a _terrible_ shot, or ring-tosser, or basically a terrible anything that had to do with hand-eye coordination, ever. He hadn't realized that you could fail so badly at ring tossing that it somehow flew _backwards_ and into the refreshment stand, and Rin had been forced to win him a stuffed orca because Makoto's dejected face always tugged at the little heartstrings he had left, and of course Haruka had gotten pissed – _now_ he gets jealous and not at the beach, _of course_ – and Rin's natural competitive streak rose and they'd cleaned out the ring toss prizes in their competition until they'd been chased away. Well, he'd gotten a sweet little stuffed shark for his troubles, so it was okay.

They'd gotten some quick treats – watching them share a popsicle, Rin had wanted to maul something because _how the fuck were they still not together_ – and then moved onto the rides.

The haunted house ride had been hilarious, if sad and predictable, and Makoto had managed to get out of his seat sometime during the middle since he'd finished the ride on Haruka's lap, hiding his face and practically crying. The suggestion of the roller coaster had brought a whimper from Makoto and a flat no from Haruka, so Rin had looked around for something to do that could further his agenda.

Rin had spotted the Ferris wheel then. It was impossible to cry on Ferris wheels, right? And hey, there was a ton of stuff about how romantic they were on the Internet and manga and shit. Perfect. He'd just hitch a ride in a different car by saying that he didn't want to be trapped in such a small space with them during the freakishly slow ride, and bam. Instant romanticism. The attendant had given the three guys weird looks – two guys together riding together and one solo in a sea of hetero couples did stand out, admittedly – but Rin thought the ride had gone fine. He'd enjoyed the peace and quiet as he tried to plan the rest of the day and the closest time he could “slip off” and still keep an eye on them. And, he had admitted to himself, the ride was nice. He liked the scenery.

He'd gotten off the ride in a good mood, until his eyes landed on Makoto and Haruka...but more Makoto, really, who was a hunched over shivering mess. Because _of course_ , Makoto was afraid of heights, too, and most of the ride had been Makoto having a nervous breakdown and Haru trying to prevent it, which was just not a romantic atmosphere at all.

Rin had tried thinking of something Makoto _wasn't_ scared of, and his brain could only give him back the dismally small answers of “kittens” and “Haruka”.

Deciding that the “amusement” side was a bust, Rin had herded them towards the aquarium part because really, if he wanted to set the mood, that is where it would happen. The entrance was one of those walkways through a large tank so that you were surrounded by water and fish. It was pretty neat, even if Makoto looked twitchy as hell and Haruka looked like he wanted to find the service hatch to swim in it.

They'd meandered around the aquarium, admiring the sights, and Rin had felt like this was getting to be more into the range of what he wanted, aside from the children's exhibit and Makoto's many pleading whispers of ' _No, Haru, you can't swim in the 'pet the stingrays' exhibit, please stop taking off your clothes_ '. They'd killed time until the dolphin show, and Haru actually looked like he was looking forward to it, if his shining eyes were any indication. Makoto was smiling at Haru sweetly, and Rin kind of had wanted to gag quietly somewhere because of the fluff extruding off them, but it was okay because that meant he was doing a good job, damn it. He'd left them in the bleachers to “go get a drink”, and had come back to sit in a different spot behind them.

He'd thought that everything was going great. The show was entertaining, Haruka and Makoto looked absorbed in it, and he was quite sure that sometime during the show Makoto had grabbed Haru's hand. He hadn't actually expected Makoto to truly make a first move, and that should have been his first clue, but at the time it had looked like his plan was working wonderfully.

Then the show ended, and Haruka had bolted up and towards the tank, only held back by that hand, and Rin had realized that the hand-grabbing wasn't for romance, it was to stop Haru from _stripping down and jumping into the dolphin tank_.

He'd jumped up then and had run down to help Makoto keep Haru from the water, but somehow an argument had started between him and Haru, and Rin thinks that he probably had lost his mind a little because he remembers his good sense snapping and his competitive side taking over as he stripped out of his shirt and shouting “ _I'll show you who doesn't have the balls to race with the dolphins!_ ” as he marched towards the tank.

And that was how the security guards had found them, with Haru and Rin halfway into the tank, Makoto holding onto their arms for dear life and pleading for them to stop, a few park-goers standing in the bleachers gobsmacked and taking pictures, and a trio of very amused dolphins gathered around them and chattering excitedly.

And so, here Rin is, standing outside the gates with a picture of him, Haru, and Makoto now on the entrance booth walls under the “Do Not Allow Entry To These Persons” section.

 _Banned from an amusement park._ What the fuck is his life coming to, anyways. Thinking about it is making his stomach hurt.

Because the day wasn't bad enough already, Makoto chooses that moment to speak up, hand clenching in his shirt in front of his stomach and going a little green. “U-Umm...I d-don't think those hot dogs we ate were...good.”

Rin rests his head against the brick wall of the park and just quietly thumped his forehead against it repeatedly because _fuck his life_.


	6. In which Rin will probably regret everything

Rin sits at his desk, notebook pushed to the side and forgotten with his head buried in his arms. Fuck life.

His stomach gives a twinge and he grimaces. Never eating hot dogs from mysterious vendors _ever again_.

Okay, well, in addition to the obvious food poisoning, that was a huge bust. Clearly he can't do dares, because fucking Haru _dares back_ and then they end up in a dolphin tank and banned from places. So. No more dares.

Rin sits up and flops back into his chair, groaning. Ugh, why couldn't he just have done the closet thing and been done with it? No, he's got to be _elaborate_ and shit. Why the fuck did he ever consider this as a good idea?

Because he's a _dumbass_ , that's why.

Huffing out a sigh, Rin straightens up and flops back into his chair, letting his head loll backwards, resting on the chair back. He flops his arm over his eyes with a grunt. Throwing himself a giant pity party is tempting, but it's not going to solve his problems. He just has to do what he does with his swimming and the despair of never truly winning against Haru – he just has to work twice as hard until he _does_ win. 

So he just has to try harder.

Sucking in a breath – and ignoring the nausea, fuck hotdogs – Rin sits back up and pulls over his notebook, glancing over the words he's written down. He scribbles out the “dare” one and resumes brainstorming.

Something romantic. He needs something so nauseatingly romantic it'd make a Disney princess vomit from the sickly sweet atmosphere. Something that makes even Haru take notice, something that not even Makoto can pretend to blissfully ignore. Or alternatively, something raunchy enough to get Makoto past his embarrassment. It's one of those two barriers that he has to break – Haru's obliviousness or Makoto's modesty, since both were about a mile thick and denser than lead. As long as he has those goals, he can do this.

Well, he's tried romantic. Time to go the raunchy route, then.

He can see all the ways it can go wrong right now, but Rin's rather past caring at this point. He's going to fucking do this even if he has to jerk the both of them off to the point where they can't think and he can shove them together and let nature take it's course. He is fucking _Matsuoka Rin_ , and losing is not in his vocabulary.

He grabs his phone and scrolls through the numbers that one pushy blond named Nagisa had forced onto his phone, finding said blond's number and pressing the “Message Contact” button. This is the worst idea in the history of all ideas, but it's the only one he's got right now, so he's going to do it.

Group porno night it is.


	7. In which Rin loses brain cells

The next Friday takes forever to roll around, and Rin spends every minute of that time sincerely regretting his decision to do this. But it's done, Nagisa would never let him back out of it now, and Rin stuck his head into the guillotine himself. He can only grin and bear it as the blade rushes towards his neck in the shape of a grinning blond with a very suspicious bag twirling from his hand as he skipped up the steps to Haru's house.

It was the ideal location – spacious, quiet, and with no legal-age influences to worry about interrupting this horrible trainwreck of male bonding that is about to happen. Because clearly Rin is very thorough about planning his own doom. He should give himself a gold sticker.

Nagisa had been all too happy to organize the events of this handbasket that is currently _rocket-powered_ on its trip to hell. Rin has various doubts about Nagisa's tastes and the types of porn they are going to watch, but it's too late now. Nagisa had an older cousin he was on good terms with, one able to buy, rent, or otherwise lend pornos for him, which Rin...didn't. So he can only pray that they're not going to watch something too....questionable.

He's also vaguely worried about the gender distribution in those videos. He's pretty sure that Makoto and Haruka are queerer than a purple platypus, or at least only have eyes for each other. Rin, himself, kind of tentatively categorizes himself as bi since he's more about the personality, but he does find himself admiring his half-naked teammates just as often as the short skirts of his school, so whatever's okay with him, but Nagisa and the Ryugazaki guy are unknowns. He would peg Nagisa as gay due to his habit of rubbing himself against all of his male friends, except he was treated to a long diatribe about the wonders of huge tits when Nagisa was discussing setting up this night with him, so now he's not sure, and he had exchanged maybe one word with the new guy and had no idea. So for all he knows Nagisa's brought a herd of lesbian orgy porn which is not going to affect Makoto and Haruka in the slightest, besides maybe making Makoto spontaneously combust from shame.

Well, whatever. It wasn't quite what the porn was about that was important, it was setting the mood. He just needs to get them thinking about fucking, and then he can take the short and sweet route of locking them in the damn closet or something. That's one of the first things he'd thought of, right? They usually said that the first answer that popped into your brain was the right one for tests and stuff after all, so maybe it was the same for here, too.

Nagisa rings the doorbell, abusing the thing as he launched into a rendition of Iwatobi's school theme, and Rin can hear Ryugazaki's anxious “please stop that, Nagisa-kun” from the living room. Makoto gets up to let the two in, since he's Haru's fucking housewife and Haru's too busy making tea, and Rin sits at the living room table sipping a soft drink and trying to appear completely uninvolved in this whole mess. He'd threatened Nagisa with slow, painful death – and blackmail since they were in the same swim club and he has _pictures_ – to not reveal the fact that Rin was the one who wanted to do this.

So, as long as the blond keeps his mouth shut, Rin can just pretend this wasn't his idea at all when it invariably implodes into itself. Yes.

“I got a ton of videos from my cousin!” Nagisa burbles happily, skipping into the living room and dumping the contents of the bag onto the table with absolutely no preamble. Rin stares at the pile of DVDs – many with titles like “Hot-n-Wild!!” and “Pool Party 3” and he's pretty sure he sees something named “Canadian Beaver Hunt” underneath “Girls Gone Wild 15” and Rin kind of wants to just put his head on the table and cry softly because really. Why did he expect the kid with the bright yellow penguin Speedo to have _taste_?

Makoto makes that ridiculously pathetic little squeak sound again. Ryugazaki makes a sound like he's strangling on his own spit. Rin kind of sympathizes. “Th-This is...N-Nagisa-kun, w-what on earth...!”

So apparently Nagisa also hadn't bothered to tell everyone just _what_ they were going to watch. This kept getting better and better. The blond grins cheerfully, apparently seeing nothing wrong with having dumped a bag of bad porn onto his friend's table. “Well, it's movie bonding night, right? And what better way than bond than with the proven method of high school boys everywhere! Spring of youth and that stuff!”

Ryugazaki continues to sputter wordlessly at Nagisa as Haru brings in the tea, nudging some DVDs off the table nonchalantly as he sets down the tray. Makoto's hidden his face behind his hands like a blushing schoolgirl, making another squeak when he hears the cases clatter from Haru moving them. Rin just sits back and tries to pretend that the corner of the room is absolutely fucking fascinating and that he hadn't started this whole thing with one badly-judged text to Nagisa.

Haru grabs one of the cases. “This one has a pool in it. This one first.”

“H-Haru...!” Makoto's voice is about two octaves higher than it should be. “Y-You...w-we can't...you know w-what that is, r-right!? We can't!!”

Haru ignores him as he opens the case and sticks the DVD into the player, switching on the TV. Nagisa cheers and grabs the bowl of popcorn Makoto had made earlier, when the poor guy had thought that they were having a wholesome movie night and _not_ watching – Rin glances at the cover Haru chose – “Titties and Floaties Galore”, and settles in front of the TV. Makoto goes back to burying his face in his hands while Ryugazaki continues to sit where he is, jaw hanging open and making vague grabbing motions towards Nagisa, still sounding like he's choking on sheer mortification. Haru sits back and grabs a handful of popcorn, face as impassive as ever.

Rin takes a long swig of his drink and wishes it was something stronger. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

It's a testament to the utter _stupidity_ of what they're watching that Rin is certain he can feel the exact sensation of individual braincells dying.

“Titties and Floaties Galore” is, well, exactly what it said on the box. There are a lot of tits and a lot of flotation devices being used in ways they were probably never intended to be. It has also given Rin the opportunity to learn that yes, somewhere in the world, there existed an inner tube with a dildo pasted on.

He's pretty sure he could have gone through his life in complete bliss never knowing this.

None of this is helped by the fact that Nagisa apparently is a porn _cheerleader_. Every new “development” is cheered on by the blond with enthusiasm, and it makes Rin feel kind of dirty that the little kid he used to swim with and who used to be such a sweet little thing is now shouting things like “Yeah, check out that motion in the ocean!” and “That's a whale of a dick!” at the TV screen.

His _childhood_. Where did it go.

Ryugazaki has curled up in a traumatized ball in the corner, Rin's pretty sure he's quietly sobbing to himself. Something about how body parts moving like that wasn't beautiful, it's a little weird. Makoto isn't hiding his face anymore, instead just staring at the screen with a horrified look, occasionally making a strangled squeaking noise. Rin can't really blame him, it's a trainwreck.

And meanwhile, through all of this, Haruka sits and crunches through the popcorn, impassive as ever.

Rin tries to ignore the horrorfest of bad taste on the screen by shifting through the DVDs Nagisa brought and trying to find one that won't make him feel like he's been huffing Sharpies, because there's got to be at least one that's worth the DVD it's printed on. It's hard, because Nagisa's tastes apparently run to “tits, tits, and more tits”, and Rin's pretty sure that such things are major turn-offs for two-fifths of the people in the room – he's not decided about Ryugazaki yet.

He finds one labeled “Neopolitan Delight”, and is apparently about an ambiguously-brown lady sandwiched between two men, one black, one white. Where does Nagisa _find_ this shit, seriously. He's pretty sure the cover alone is offensive to every decent human being in the planet.

But it's got a two-to-one ratio of dicks to tits, so maybe it'll be better than....whatever the hell is going on with what's on the TV screen right now. Rin decides he doesn't want to know if that was really a dolphin dildo onscreen that he saw. He'll be better off never knowing.

The orgy of misplaced sealife and abused flotation devices finally grinds to a halt, and Rin sits up and shoves the new DVD in before Nagisa – or Haruka – can choose their next adventure into bad porn. Nagisa pouts, making a disappointed noise, before he perks up when the title comes up. “Ooo, I like this one!”

Fuck. This was a horrible decision.

When it starts, Rin admits to himself that maybe Nagisa's taste isn't _all_ horrid, because while the title is basically a horrible offense to all good sense, this one's actually pretty well-made. It's infinitely better than inner tube strap-ons, definitely.

In fact, after a few minutes of watching the actors on screen, Rin finds himself having to shift uncomfortably, because fuck, the “vanilla” actor kind of looks like Mikoshiba, and Rin would die before he ever admitted it out loud but he sort of has a mancrush on his captain. It was the great ass, that's all. Guy was passionate about his swimming, and it reflected on his body, and yeah Rin maybe spent some way too awkward times in the showers after oogling his captain. That was totally it. Rin just appreciated a greatly-sculpted male body, that was all. Hell, he'd caught himself staring at Makoto's back a few times, and didn't that make him feel all sorts of skeevy. Still, he had to admit that Makoto had a great body, and so did Mikoshiba, and yeah Rin was a teenage guy and maybe Gou kind of wasn't the only one in the family with a little muscle fetish.

Another few minutes in, and Rin is fighting a serious problem downstairs. Fuck fuck fuck. Haruka is still eating the fucking popcorn, not bothered one bit, and Nagisa is wriggling around making enthusiastic sounds, but it doesn't seem sensual, just...Nagisa. Makoto isn't even watching, he's just picking at the tatami mats of Haru's living room floor, as if he's trying to pretend they're totally not watching porn. Poor innocent Makoto, it almost feels like he's violated him somehow.

There's some rustling as Ryugazaki stands up abruptly. He makes a strangled noise that kind of sounds like “Excuse me I need the restroom” and bolts off. Rin feels grimly satisfied that he's not the only one with a “problem”.

“Me too,” Rin mutters as he stands up and follows the younger teen out of the living room, trying to ignore Nagisa's snickering. _Fuck you too, Nagisa, and your damn bad pornos_.

Ryugazaki hadn't even bothered to shut the bathroom door behind him, he was just standing there in the bathroom, gripping the sink and mumbling what sounded like physics calculations under his breath. Guy was _weird_ , but anyone who could put up with fucking Haruka _and_ Nagisa on a daily basis had to be weird.

But he's got some great arms. Rin silently thanks whoever invented tank tops as he steps into the room as well, remembering to shut the door behind him.

It is a _terrible_ idea, but Rin is horny as fuck and frustrated because the two people he wanted to affect with this stupid stunt are among the least affected because Haruka has all the sex drive of a dead fish and Makoto has apparently tuned out reality, and instead he's stuck in a bathroom with a guy he barely knows and a raging erection. And the guy has really really nice deltoids.

So Rin clears his throat, coughing a bit when Ryugazaki startles in a way similar to a scared Makoto, and licks his lips. If he's going to hell, damn it, he might as well throw himself in headfirst. He didn't do anything half-assed, after all.

“So...hey. Wanna help each other out?”


	8. In which Rin impersonates a bear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage drinking and Ikea Erotica occurs in this chapter because Rin makes bad life choices.

Rin wakes up sprawled on top of his desk and with a horrible hangover.

He's not quite sure why he's on the desk. Or why his arms are wrapped around one of the pool kickboards like a pillow. He scrapes his brain, trying to remember.

Oh. Yesterday. Right. He never wants to remember yesterday.

It wasn't Ryugazaki's fault, really. After the stupidest question to end all questions had left Rin's mouth, he knew that all blame was on himself. Ryugazaki had stuttered, obviously completely virgin about such things, but he'd never straight _denied_ being interested, and so Rin had pressed his advantage.

And that's how it happened, Rin stuck in Haru's bathroom with a guy he barely knew a year younger than him, jacking each other off. It was businesslike, almost, but the guy had great arms and made a nice sight with his hand wrapped around Rin's cock. Rin felt skeevier than ever.

Afterwards, they'd cleaned up in silence, trying not to look at each other, trying to ignore the whole goddamn elephant shoved into the tiny room with them.

Ryugazaki, Rin had to admit, was not a coward. Or at least he was braver than Rin, since he actually managed to gather his dignity and speak first.

“This...I can assume this was a simple male bonding exercise to relieve tension, am I correct?” If his voice wasn't about a half-octave higher than normal, Rin wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. He applauded the guy's self-control.

“Yeah, sure. It's what it was.” Rin pretended that washing his hands was absolutely fucking fascinating. “Never speaking of this again. _Ever_.”

“....Right. I-I Agree.” That's where the conversation died as Ryugazaki went to push up those nerd glasses of his. His hands weren't completely clean yet and a streak of white got across them and Ryugazaki made a sound that was a surprisingly accurate imitation of a dying whale.

Rin was going to kill Nagisa. And then himself. He'll drown himself in the pool, make it look like an accident. Overtraining sounds like a great accidental death excuse.

They'd left the bathroom stiffly without another word. Nagisa had leered at them with a face that could only be described as the “smarm brow”, and Rin had decided that there was only so much shit he could take in one day, so he'd flipped him off and stalked out the door, ignoring Makoto calling after him because it was _all his and Haru's faults, the dense-as-fuck assholes._

He'd gone straight back to Samezuka, and in an attempt to cleanse his brain of memories he'd raided the poorly-hidden booze stockpile of the swim team third-years. He doesn't even know why they bother trying to hide it, everyone in the swim team knows except the faculty advisor, for some reason. The advisor was dense as shit.

The evening was a blur after that. He assumes he swam at one point, in full clothes, because he has this dumb kickboard and his clothes feel kind of grody and stink like chlorine. He's surprised he didn't drunkenly drown himself, really, that would just be the perfect end, wouldn't it? Dying of a dumb decision of his. “It seemed like a good idea at the time” would probably have to be engraved on his headstone.

Rin flops his head back down on his “pillow” and groans low in his throat. Bad decisions, bad decisions all of it.

His phone suddenly shrieks next to his ear and he thinks it's the sound of damned souls. It hurts about the same.

The Caller ID is Nagisa. _Fuck that shit._

Five minutes later Rin is forced to acknowledge the outside world because _Fucking Nagisa won't stop fucking calling_ and his ringtone is being drilled into his skull. With a jackhammer. He's not going to be able to use this ringtone now, it reminds him too much of pain.

He grabs his phone and swipes the answer button, holding it to his head and doing his best impression of a bear. An angry, winter-starved, “you just woke me up from hibernation and I will _end you_ ” bear. “ _What._ ”

“Good morning, Rin-chan!” Nagisa chirps, completely unfazed by Rin's ursine impression. Oh god his head. Nagisa is bad for Rin's wellbeing, and if he keeps being so Rin is going to be bad for his.

“Not anymore. I am hanging up _right now_.”

“Don't be like that, Rin-chan! Especially after all the trouble you took for us to have a friendly get-together.”

Rin literally growls. “ _We are never speaking of that again._ ”

“Why not? You bonded so well with Rei-chan!” The little shit is _enjoying this_ , Rin can _hear_ it. “Buuuut...if you don't want to, I guess I can stay quiet and not bug you about it! That is, as long as you meet up with us next Saturday! There's the squid festival, you know? Everyone's going! Haru-chan, Mako-chan, Rei-chan, Gou-chan, and me too! We'd really like it if you'd come with us, Gou-chan misses her big brother you know! It's mean to ignore your sister!”

Sometime while he was gone Nagisa has metamorphosized from the sweetest blond angel you'd ever know into a fucking _demon_. A impish, tricky demon with blackmail.

Rin fists his free hand into his hair, the external pain distracting him a bit from the motherfucking “dwarves are drilling into my brain” headache he's got that Nagisa's only making worse. Ugh. He officially hates his life.

“... _Fine_.” He grinds out. “But I'm only showing up to shut your mouth, don't expect me to be a fucking ray of sunshine.”

“Aww, but you're always so fiery, Rinshine!” Nagisa giggles like he's said the funniest fucking thing ever. “Anyways, meet us at the festival gate at four! Wear a yukata too, we all are!”

“Fine, fine. I'll be there.” Rin moves his hand to rub at the bridge of his nose instead. A festival. He can do that. He can just walk behind everyone and only respond if spoken to. That doesn't sound so bad. And it _has_ been a while since he's seen Gou, it would be nice to catch up with her a bit. Even if she's rotting her braincells by hanging out with these guys.

And hey, maybe he can pull together some sort of half-assed plan too, because he hasn't tortured himself enough already. Summer festival, that shit was romantic, right?

“Oh, and Rin-chan?”

“ _What_.” When will this conversation _end_? Rin just wants to sleep forever and maybe dunk his head in icewater until he loses all feeling above the neck.

“You don't always have to try so hard, you know? For a lot of things. Sometimes it's best to just relax and go with the flow! Things will happen in their own time. Just have fun!” Nagisa's voice is surprisingly calm saying this – still happy, but sweet and gentle instead of sugarhigh. It reminds Rin of when they were smaller and Nagisa was an angel instead of a fucking demon. “Anyways, see you Saturday, Rin-chan!”

“....Yeah,” Rin mumbles, and the phone disconnects into his ear. He's left staring blankly at the wall.

Don't try too hard? Too hard at _what_? Ugh, whatever, Nagisa's thought processes kill valuable brain tissue. Rin turns his phone off and chucks it at his bed. Whatever. He's going to sleep for a week, maybe he'll be able to sleep through Saturday too and have an excuse for skipping out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, we're moving into the final lap, guys. What will be revealed at the festival, oh noes!? :O This will probably be finished in two parts, including the festival and maybe an epilogue. Look forward to it~


	9. In which Rin is less of an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in either a magical AU universe where the whole "Rin being a douche during prefecturals" never happens. Or it's just later and he's gotten over his douchiness and Iwatobi has more than one squid festival why not. Yeah. We'll go with that and not "I planned this entire fic way before episodes 7 through 9 and just incorporated the squid ideas because why not". >_>

Unfortunately Rin does not sleep the entire week through and he is perfectly awake and conscious when Saturday rolls around, so he has absolutely no excuse to not show up for the festival.

This was further driven home by texts from both Nagisa and Gou reminding him to come and promising unholy terror on him if he dared bail on them.

Nagisa is a _terrible_ influence on Gou.

He even got a text from Makoto, a sickeningly sweet thing about how Makoto was looking forward to spending time with him at the festival and about how he's happy that Rin decided to come and blah blah blah Makoto was seriously too much of a sap and Rin tries to pretend that he didn't save Makoto's message like he was just as much of a sap.

Still, after twin threats against him from the Dynamic Duo – “I know where you live, RinRin!” is now going to haunt his nightmares – and being sucker-punched by Makoto's sweet nature, Rin really has no choice but to go.

So, there he is, standing under the shrine gate five minutes to four and dressed in his black yukata with the barely-there extremely dark red camellias printed on it.

Of course, no one else is here yet. It figures. Makoto would probably also be on time if left to his own devices, but he was always late since he had to drag Haru out of his house, which regularly added up to half an hour on his transit time. Why didn't they just start telling Makoto and Haru to meet them a half-hour earlier? Maybe then Haru would be on time for once in his life.

Rin grimaces and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the red pillar of the gate. If he wasn't so damn terrified of what Nagisa's creepy texts promised he would so be out of here. He was severely tempted to bail anyways, damn the torpedoes.

The clicking of traditional wooden sandals approaches and suddenly halts, and Rin looks up. He can't help the embarrassed scowl.

“Ah...” Ryugazaki mumbles, shifting awkwardly and doing that glasses thing, dressed in a black yukata with some geometric line pattern going on. It suited him. Of course, it would be the guy he shared awkward handjobs with that would also be early, so they could sit and stew in that awkwardness until the rest of the crew deigned to show. Figured, Rin's life was just that bad.

Rin directs his scowl to the ground. Okay, so he couldn't really ignore him. And it wasn't really Ryugazaki's fault that this was awkward and that maybe Rin was just the tiny bit jealous that he'd taken Rin's relay spot. Okay maybe a lot jealous, that was neither here nor there. It was all Rin's fault, and he's going to be hanging out with the guy for the rest of the evening, he can't just blow him off.

So he shuffles awkwardly, before flapping an arm listlessly in what he hopes passes as an acceptable wave. “...Hey.”

There's a beat of silence, before Ryugazaki clears his throat. “...Good afternoon.”

It lapses right back into awkward silence, and Rin shuffles a bit again. Damn it. He used to be so good with people when he was twelve. Where did that go?

Right, hormones and jealousy-driven competition and rage issues, that's where it went.

About a minute passes, before Ryugazaki clears his throat again. Rin thought he'd be the aloof glasses type, but he's actually pretty straightforward and earnest. He also has a surprising amount of balls, because he's the one to break the awkward-as-fuck – or maybe that's “awkward-because-of-a-fuck” – silence. “You're...Matsuoka Rin, yes?”

“Obviously,” Rin mutters, because he knows Ryugazaki knows his name and that was an obvious attempt at conversation. He doesn't know why the guy's trying, really.

Still, Ryugazaki is not easily deterred, and Rin grudgingly admits he's got guts. “My name is Ryugazaki Rei. This is only secondhand knowledge, but you are a butterfly stroke specialist, am I correct?”

“I was, yeah.” Rin doesn't know where this conversation is going. Anyways, he's not specializing in butterfly now, because Haru doesn't swim it and Rin's thinking that maybe his priorities are a little weird. He has to admit he does kind of miss it, though. He's always liked butterfly the best. Maybe when he resolves his stupid rivalry with Haru, he'll go back to it...

Ryugazaki does the glasses thing again. Rin kind of wants to tape his hands down to stop it, it's distracting. “I was just wondering if you could perhaps give me some suggestions as to improve my technique, since no one else specializes in butterfly. Nagisa-kun showed me a tape of your relay in elementary school, your form was beautiful. I would like to strive to achieve that beauty in my own stroke.”

Rin's eyebrows slowly ascend towards his hairline through Ryugazaki's weird little speech. Was this guys seriously asking _Rin_ for pointers? Had he missed Rin's whole “fuck off” attitude he gave the entire world? He'd thought his aura was pretty obvious, but maybe his glasses weren't the only way he was blind. Still, he had a point – the rest of the Iwatobi team was _godawful_ at butterfly. Nagisa didn't have the control and usually ended up penguin-flapping through the water like a moron, Makoto had the muscle control and timing but the repeated face-first plunging into water tended to cause panic attacks that ruined said muscle control and timing, and Rin was half-convinced Haru only swam free because he didn't fucking know the other strokes, he'd certainly never seen Haru do them. Although he never voiced that one out loud because he was half-afraid Haru would get competitive and then proceed to beat everyone at their own stroke because as if anyone could be better in the water than _him_ , that just wasn't allowed.

Okay maybe Rin was a bit bitter.

“I'm not going to help some moron from a _rival team_ get _better_ ,” He snaps, because thinking about Haru brings out those rage issues. Ryugazaki looks a little affronted, oops. Ugh, well, it's not like he hated this kid, it was just super-awkward to be around him when he knew how his dick felt but he still couldn't remember his first name – oh yeah, Rei, he'd said it at the beginning of this mess of a conversation. Another girly-named swim guy to add to the team.

Rin then sighs, because fuck it. He'd seen a bit of this guy's butterfly and it was pretty terrible. It was an insult to let it be swum like that. And he didn't _hate_ Ryugazaki. “...But I don't mind telling you all the shit you're doing wrong. It's up to you to work with it.”

Ryugazaki blinks. The kid has more social finesse than Nagisa, he grants, because he manages a nod and simply says “That would be very beneficial, thank you” and the subject is dropped.

And now comes the lapse back into awkward silence. Rin welcomes it like an old friend because it's better than awkward conversation any day.

“Rin-chan, Rei-chan! We're here!”

Oh goody.

Nagisa clomps up the stairs to them, waving at them like they can't see the bright blond kid with the neon turquoise yukata patterned with happy-colored bubbles. Nagisa never gets lost in a crowd, _never_.

They're actually surprisingly early. He'd thought Haru would have to have been pried out of the house and rolled down to the festival in a wheelbarrow full of water, but there he is, standing a little behind Makoto, face as impassive as ever. They're in yukata too – Haru in a dark blue one with wave patterns because _of course_ and Makoto's is simple green with little orange and yellow hatchmarks on the sleeves and bottom.

Gou is behind them, dressed in her red lotus-printed yukata and her hair done up in a cute messy half-bun. She's surprisingly pretty, and it hits Rin just how much she's grown since he'd been gone. Just another bit of childhood to sacrifice. Rin's actually kind of glad he's here, now, since he's now in a position to grin menacingly at guys who are going to try to pick up his little baby sister. He knew the teeth were good for something, and while he _did_ trust the Iwatobi team – or at the very least fellow big brother Makoto – to watch out for her, it was still best to be there himself so he could bite off some dicks if needed.

“We're all here, good! Well, first things first, let's go to the shrine and pray for success!” Nagisa announces, bouncing on his sandals as if they were mini-trampolines attached to his feet. He sees a can in Nagisa's hand, a brand of tea that has a worryingly high sugar and caffeine content.

Rin groans under his breath as they start marching towards the shrine. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

 

 _Why was he doing this_. Rin can't think of a single reason. Why was he currently standing calf-deep in a tub of saltwater, surrounded by squids. This was his life, these were his choices, and he can't think of why he'd ever made them.

More importantly, _why had he let himself be talked into this shit_.

The answer comes back to Nagisa, as it usually does when he's trying to point the exact moment where things go downhill. Seriously, Class A demon right there. They'd done the shrine thing, which seemed to Rin kind of silly since he certainly wasn't praying for Iwatobi's success but his own and having two separate factions at once seemed like there'd be some crossed wires somewhere. He hadn't been about to debate it, though, so they'd left the shrine to go to the festival proper.

There sure was a lot of squid shit. Rin had always been ambivalent towards squid – he could eat it just fine and nothing about it sincerely _bothered_ him, but it wasn't on his top foods list – but the smell of so much of it kind of made him nauseous. And was that seriously _squid ink yakisoba_ , and had Makoto seriously just said that he was looking forward to trying that?

Then, after about five minutes of wandering the stalls and arguing about what foods to get – “No, Haru, no one's selling mackerel” and “I'm pretty sure squid burgers are a crime against nature, Nagisa” being the most common phrases – before Nagisa had seen It. The sign advertising sign-ups for something called “Squid Catching Heaven”.

Gou had seen it too. And then both of them had turned to look at him and he'd discovered that doom was an actual physical thing and he could totally see it looming on the horizon.

He blames it on Gou. Sure, Nagisa could blackmail him into shit, but Rin's pretty sure that everything Nagisa has on him is less embarrassing then what's going to happen here, except maybe the Porno Night We Will Never Speak Of Again but even Nagisa knew better than to use that when Gou was right there. But then Gou had turned big sparkling eyes on him and fuck, he always _tries_ to be a good big brother and he can never resist that look. And look where it gets him.

Standing in a tank surrounded by squid, that's where.

“Go, Rin-chan! Catch those squicky squid real quick!”

He's going to fucking strangle Nagisa. He just needs to get his hands on one of these slippery bastards before he can go and get the one out _there_.

Rin snarls silently, baring his teeth at the white shapes darting through the water. The squid are completely unaffected – he's pretty sure one _waves_ at him with its stupid little tentacles – but he does succeed in creating a huge berth around as the other participants nervously shuffle away from the boy with the razor-sharp teeth making faces at the cephalopods.

Well hey, if it gives him room, he'll take it.

Rin narrows his eyes at the fleeting shapes in the water. Goddammit he was a shark, he could _do_ this. Sharks eat squid all the fucking time. Catching one shouldn't be so hard.

He tunes out Nagisa's obnoxious cheering and focuses. There's one squid that's swimming around his left ankle slowly, as if it doesn't recognize he's a threat. Well, it would soon learn, wouldn't it? No one underestimates Matsuoka Rin, not even a gooey white sac with tentacles and eyes. He thinks the predatory grin that's slipped onto his face is scaring the small children in front, but fuck that, he has a squid to catch.

Rin holds out his hands, pauses as the squid hovers to consider its options, and then strikes before it can go anywhere. His hands wrap around the squid.

He regrets it immediately.

Oh god oh god it's so slimy and gross and wriggly and ewewewew gross gross gross slimy tentacles slimy slimy _slimySLIMYTENTACLES!!_

His shriek is completely manly as he jumps back and loses control of his hands past the wrists as they flap for freedom, trying desperately to erase the _grossgrossSLIMY_ feeling.

This, however, has the unfortunate effect of also losing control of the squid. It makes a bid for freedom and his flapping sends the squid onto the first expedition of the newly-formed Cephalopod Aeronautics division, as its _grossgrossslimy_ body squirts out of his grip and the squid flies through the air to land squarely on the announcer's face.

It slides off the guy's face and plops onto the ground. Rin vaguely wonders if that's considered a catch.

Nagisa is making various dying animal noises, he's laughing so hard, and Rin looks over to scowl fiercely at him, baring all his teeth. And then he sees the cellphone Nagisa's holding up, which has been undoubtingly recording this whole thing.

And – _fuck_ – there's Haru's cellphone, held up by one slim hand in front of Haru. Haru's face betrays nothing but his eyes are shining so brightly he might as well be choking on hysterics like Nagisa's currently doing.

They'd recorded it. _They had recorded it._ Fucking _Nanase Haruka_ now has a video of him freaking out and throwing squid into random stranger's faces on his _fucking cellphone_.

They're going to _die_.

* * *

  

Unfortunately they're still fucking alive. Rin had tried his damn best, but Nagisa was more slippery than the damn squid and Haru's phone had disappeared as fast as it had appeared so he couldn't erase the evidence even if he did murder the fuckers.

So he'd resigned himself to stomping sullenly after the group, giving shark-teeth grimaces to any fuckers who eyed his little sister to feel better. He was slightly mollified when Makoto gave him a candy apple, and then felt a little bad because then Makoto was suckered into buying candy apples for everyone. It just felt wrong to take advantage of Makoto, it was like kicking puppies.

Still, the sugar had improved his mood a bit and eventually people stopped pointing and whispering at him so he didn't have to do his best Jaws impression anymore, so he was eventually back to milling with the group as they settled down to buy dinner, even speaking up that _'No, Gou, you can't buy squid ink yakisoba like Makoto because that's fucking disgusting'_ because while he genuinely liked Makoto, the guy's taste was genuinely _off_ in a lot of things. Not bad like Nagisa's, just off. After all, the guy was in love with _fucking Nanase Haruka_ , of course his tastes were _off_.

So now, after a nice dinner of fried squid, candy apple, and some non-inky yakisoba, Rin was feeling, dare he say it, pretty good. Good enough to just resigning himself to scowling and kicking Haru under the table instead of punching him every time the other looked at him, because he kept making a choked-off sound like he was starting to laugh when he looked at Rin. Rin hadn't bothered talking to him after he'd just muttered “Real _slick_ moves there, Rin” and had proceeded to vibrate with a muffled gigglefit for the next five minutes. Rin just fucking gave up after that.

Fuck Haru, anyways. Rin is actually having a pretty good time. He's full, and everyone is sitting around and chatting happily, and the weather's nice. It's nice. He doesn't want to admit it, but yeah, he's missed this.

Maybe, he thinks, Nagisa was right. Maybe he's trying too hard. He's trying so hard to go to the Olympics that he can't remember the last time he's had fun like this. He's trying so hard to beat Haru, but Haru wasn't going to the Olympics because he had the motivation of a snail – it's not Haru he has to beat, it's the guys at the Olympics. He's trying so hard that he's forgot that life can have easy and natural things like sitting around a table with friends, and he doesn't have to try at all to have a smile on his face.

Still, he thinks as he watches Nagisa force a cotton candy beard onto Ryugazaki despite the other's shrieks of “This isn't beautiful at all, Nagisa-kun!!”, he does have to keep trying or he'll end up like _that_ shit. If he ends up like Nagisa he'll hang himself.

Ah, whatever, He's in too good of a mood to stew on it. He stands up and stretches, intending to take a walk around the stalls to burn off the food he just stuffed himself with.

Makoto stands too. “Do you want to walk around the stalls together, Rin?”

Rin just shrugs. Of all the guys, he definitely minds Makoto's presence the least. He at least knows when to shut up, unlike certain blond demons. “If you want.”

Makoto glances at Haru, but Haru waves him off after glancing at Rin and making his laugh-noise again, mumbling “Matsu _ika_ ” under his breath as he looks away. Rin lazily flips him off and lets it go because admittedly that one was pretty good.

“Let's go, Makoto.”

They amble around the stalls. The sun has set by now, and the lanterns have lit everything up instead. The festival is in full swing, with kids running through the crowds with playful shouts and girls gathering in giggling flocks of brightly-colored yukata. He had definitely missed this kind of festival atmosphere in Australia.

Makoto fills the silence occasionally with chatter. Makoto's good at that, making small talk with inoffensive things because he's had tons of practice talking at Haru, and Rin just lets him, talking back if he feels like it. The more the night goes on, the more he's wondering about just why he'd been so dead-set on ignoring this guy. Nagisa he should ignore because the kid is the fucking unholy spawn of Satan, but Makoto is fine. Great, even. Full of kittens and fucking rainbows and shit, he's just relaxing to be around. Even the thought of hurting him is painful, since it's like hurting something tiny and defenseless, never mind that the guy is a solid six-foot tower of muscle.

Ugh, thinking about this makes him feel like a jackass.

He glances around for a distraction from his thoughts, and he sees it. The goldfish-scooping stall.

He doesn't want to admit it, but Makoto's goldfish were probably as symbolic to Rin as they were to Makoto. He doesn't know if Nagisa or Ryugazaki know their significance, but to Rin, they were a sign of fragile life and bonds. In fact, he thinks Makoto and he really became friends when Makoto opened up enough to him to tell him about his goldfish, and their history. A sign of people they'd both lost by a force beyond human power.

And, over everything, they were a symbol to Rin that life was to be lived without regrets, because you never knew when it could be snatched from you.

He stops. He thinks that maybe he's lost sight of that a little bit, and now that it's come back to him, he thinks he's been a little silly. Running around and planning all this shit and not just _doing_ directly. That's not him at _all_ , when did he ever lose sight of that?

“Rin?” Makoto questions, looking over his shoulder in concern. “Is something wrong?”

Rin makes a decision. Fuck it, no regrets. He remembers that now as he waves a hand at Makoto as he walks towards the stall. “Wait here, Makoto, I'm going to play this.”

Makoto doesn't quite stay right there, he comes over to hover over Rin. It's a little distracting but whatever. He has fish to catch.

Unfortunately, he's always been shit at this game. Haru was the real festival game champ, he won everything because fucking Haru can do everything. Rin was pretty good at things like ring toss and shooting games but wrangling slimy fish with a little paper circle was not one of them. He wastes most of his remaining money but finally manages to catch a fucking fish, a little tricolor one with butterfly fins.

The stall runner puts the fish in a bag and hands it over, and Rin stands up. He walks a bit out of the noise and crowds, then turns to Makoto and holds the bag out. “Here.”

Makoto blinks at him in surprise. “Eh?”

Rin resists the urge to roll his eyes, god this guy is dense. “For you.”

Makoto immediately starts putting up his hands in that well-known “Oh I couldn't possibly” gesture and Rin is having none of it. He holds the bag against Makoto's chest. “Take it or it's going for a swim in the dorm toilet.”

Not _really_ , of course, but it gets Makoto to take the bag, looking at him with wide eyes. “Um...I-I guess, thank you, Rin...?”

Really, really dense. Why had he ever thought that subtle methods would work on these two? He should have just told the both of them straight out. He gestures for Makoto to follow him.

They walk until they reach the seaside road. They're a little removed from the festival, and they're people on the road but spaced out enough so that it still feels private. More private that the main festival, at any rate.

Rin looks out over the water, watching the reflection in the water of the lanterns and the squid lights that the boats in the harbor have strung up. It's pretty. He kind of wants to take a picture, but pictures never capture it as nice as his memory does.

“You know,” He starts, and folds his hands into his yukata sleeves to do something with them. “There's one thing I really learned from that storm.”

Makoto shifts uncomfortably. Sometimes Rin thinks that that typhoon scarred Makoto far deeper than it had Rin, despite the fact that Rin had lost someone way closer to himself than Makoto had. Makoto's like that, though. He's so soft-hearted that wounds go farther than they ever could in Rin. Rin's okay with the ocean and talking about this stuff, but Makoto still has trouble.

“It taught me that life is unpredictable. There are forces outside our control that can take it away from us at any moment. So you can't have regrets. If you don't do something now, you might not have another chance later.”

Makoto dips his head, stares at the fish, and Rin sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “...Sorry if I depressed you. I just wanted to say...you should just tell him, you know. Don't waste your chances.”

This causes Makoto to look back up, confused. “What do you mean?”

Rin thinks that it's physically impossible to roll your eyeballs out of their sockets but it sure feels like they tried to. “I mean, tell Haru what you feel, you moron, because that idiot will never get it on his own.”

Makoto squeaks. Again, Rin wonders how someone can make that noise at that size. “R-Rin w-what I d-don't know--”

“You know what I mean! Don't make this embarrassing!” Shit, he's blushing too, stupid Makoto. “Just tell him! I've put myself through hell for you two dumb shits and I'm done with it, that's all! Either you tell him or _I_ will, I am tired of your little mating dance and I'm done trying to help, that's all!”

“...H-Help? Y-You mean, these weeks y-you've been...” Makoto trails off, gaping.

“ _Yes._ And it was literal hell. Now we're done talking about this, okay?” Rin hisses, rubbing at his red face. This was stupid, Makoto was stupid. Why was it so embarrassing?

“Oh. O-Okay.” Makoto squeaks.

Rin closes his eyes and pinches his nose. Whatever. He's said it. It's all in Makoto's hands now. He is done with this. So done. Either this works and gives Makoto enough courage to finally fucking confess or Rin just going to lay down and shoot himself because he is _done_.

“Come on, let's go back to the others and make sure Nagisa hasn't gotten arrested,” Rin mutters, and Makoto nods and follows him meekly.

* * *

  

Nagisa is thankfully – or maybe unfortunately in Rin's opinion – not arrested when they get back. Which means that he immediately spots the goldfish swimming in its bag in Makoto's hand and squeals wildly. “Rin-chan got Mako-chan a goldfish!!”

Rin's going to strangle this kid one day he swears to God.

Makoto balks from the sudden attention, and seems rather affronted that everyone seems to believe this immediately instead of thinking that he could get his own goldfish. “H-How do you know Rin got it for me?”

Nagisa rolls his eyes. “Mako-chan, you're _terrible_ at games. Remember the yo-yo catching game we played that one festival? You'd never get one yourself so Rin-chan had to get it for you.”

Haru immediately looks over and narrows his eyes. He stands up and begins marching off. Makoto flails slightly and starts trotting after him. “Haru, where are you going...?”

“Goldfish scooping.”

Rin rolls his eyes for the second time this evening because that was predictable as shit, but follows anyways as everyone goes to watch Haru play. Haru is fucking perfect and manages to catch _four_ and Rin resists flipping him off again. If Haru spent as much time actually attending to Makoto as he did trying to compete with Rin over Makoto's affections – which Rin didn't even _want_ – then Rin would have been spared a lot of fucking headaches this year.

But whatever. Makoto is embarrassed but obviously really happy when Haru presents him with the four fish in a bag, to sit next to Rin's gift. He laughs and says that he's going to have to buy a proper tank this time instead of just a little bowl, since he has so many now.

They spend a little more time bantering – Nagisa wants to name the fish after themselves, Haru wants to name them after, well, fish, and Rin just knows that at least one will probably end up named Mackerel by the the time the night's over – before Ryugazaki looks at his watch and announces that its almost time for the fireworks display.

It takes about five minutes to find a spot they all agree on. Rin flops onto the ground and looks up at the clear summer sky as Haru and Makoto leave to go fetch everyone some drinks. He feels lighter, somehow. Like outright telling Makoto had lifted some sort of weight off his shoulders.

Gou comes to sit next to him, yukata rustles as she crouches down and smiles at him. “I had a lot of fun today, big brother. Did you?”

Rin snorts slightly, because that's stretching the definition of “fun” a bit, but he does have to admit that tonight had been...good. “...Yeah. I had fun.”

She giggles, shifting to lean onto his shoulder. “Good. I'm glad you came. I miss you.”

“Idiot,” He mutters, but his tone is fond and he's smiling a bit as he reaches up to ruffle her hair and she squeals a bit and mock-pouts, trying to smooth her hairstyle back down. It doesn't work well because she lapses into soft giggles again.

The first firework squeals up from the horizon, and Gou gasps in delight, clapping her hands together. Nagisa throws up his arms from where he and Ryugazaki are sitting in front of them, Nagisa cheering loudly despite Ryugazaki's attempts to quiet him.

He doesn't see Makoto or Haru, though, and he ignores the fireworks a moment to glance around the crowd for them.

There, he sees them, at the edge of the open space commandeered for firework watching, standing under a tree. They're too far away from Rin to really see any expressions, and really he wouldn't have picked them out if he hadn't recognized their yukata in the dark, but it's obviously them. And they're not looking at the fireworks at all. In fact, in the flash of light of the next big one going off, Rin sees Makoto lean down and their faces blur together in a kiss.

Huh. His plan worked. For once. Look at that.

He looks away quickly because friends or not, he doesn't want to watch a private moment, and just resigns himself to the fact that their drinks are probably going to be lukewarm by the time they get to them.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter anyways.

Instead, he just wraps his arm around Gou's shoulders and watches the fireworks and feels better than he has in a long while, surrounded by his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd that's a wrap! I hope you've enjoyed this magical painful journey with Rin-chan! It was filled with a lot of smiles and tears - smiles on my end, tears on his.
> 
> Fun fact - I had actually always planned to end this with a summer festival, way back when I started writing this, and I always planned to have Rin win goldfish for Makoto as sort of a "be my friend again" peace offering. So of course when episode 9 rolled around, I was laughing so hard because I never expected that canon would follow my fantasies and that Makoto really would end up with goldfish again. Strange coincidences!
> 
> This fic was less about Haru and Makoto getting together and more about Rin finding his place with his friends again. :> Poor bby just needs to get his head out of his bum and admit he wants to swim again with everyone. You can do it one day, Rin bby, I believe in you!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for reading! There will probably be a little epilogue one day when I've cleared out backlog on some other fics. :>


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